I’m currently fighting sexual urges to prove something to myself. It’s been over six months since I’ve had a warm body pressing against me. The journey has been both enlightening and frustrating for obvious reasons.
I made the conscious decision, in late September 2016, when I closed the door on the married guy, which in turn became the catalyst for making a lifestyle change, I’ve done it once before. Every time I notice a pattern, I take extreme measures to dissolve the scenario from taking place. By digging inwards to figure the reasons for engaging in behaviour that never align with what I wanted.
My last situation has made me realised that men don’t care about the sanctity of relationships and marriage. They are eagerly ready to cheat on their wives, long-term girlfriends, or plant their seeds in women without a care in the world. It’s also the mere fact that people view sex as an extreme importance in a relationship, a way to build and maintain a connection to a partner. In a single girl world, to make a guy want her more.
The ordeal of the situation made me alter my mindset, making my decision to abstain from sex easier. The first few months were amazing, I felt in control of emotions, and situations with guys. It’s been few days since the six months mark, and I can feel the surge of self-empowerment fading, and the strength of the little horny devil on my shoulder increasing, tempting me to engage in my sexual urges. Thinking back on my last celibacy journey, I don’t recall it being this difficult.
Nonetheless, I owe it to myself to remain focused and remember why I started this journey again. It’s about eliminating the weeds, sifting through the dirt to find a diamond that is worth taking home. I’m not getting any younger, and my need to find a guy who will invest in me, and worth my time is at an all time high. Despite the pressure, I’m willing to take my time to get to know someone, have an incredible connection, without feeling the pressure to have sex.
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